


Quarantine Kills Brain Cells

by lanarajade



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Batfamily (DCU), Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Bruce Wayne is tired, Happy Batfamily (DCU), Sibling Violence, its a real thing, just let tim drake sleep, normal sibling fights, this is just life with siblings guys, why is that not a tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:35:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24826912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanarajade/pseuds/lanarajade
Summary: All Clark wants is a nice interview video chat, all Bruce wants is his children to calm down
Relationships: Alfred Pennyworth & Bruce Wayne, Bruce Wayne & Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne & Clark Kent & Other(s), Cassandra Cain & Duke Thomas, Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Comments: 11
Kudos: 473





	Quarantine Kills Brain Cells

**Author's Note:**

> first batman fic, i hope you like! 
> 
> was inspired by this: https://fantrash15.tumblr.com/post/615038354216632320/clark-kent-interviewing-bruce-wayne-per-skype-s-o
> 
> not gonna lie i havent eaten today and im pretty hungry but i had to finish this or i would die
> 
> didnt proof read so im sorry for any errors

There are a lot of cons to quarantine, but Clark could admit that there were actually some pros as well. One was obviously being able to spend more time with his wife and children. Another pro though is a little less obvious.

Interviews have always been something quite interesting, as celebrities have many weird quirks. Clark would like to say he had seen it all, and at one point he probably could have claimed that. After all, he had been in the entertainment business for a while now, and he had a lot of experience with celebrities and their quirks. 

Quarantine was a whole new ball game though. It was intriguing to see how much more comfortable people were answering mildly invasive questions when they were in the comfort of their own home. So far it has been different, but not bad. So he shouldn’t be worried about interviewing one Bruce Wayne today. Bruce is his friend, it’s sure to go just fine. Still, he couldn’t help but feel that nagging bit of worry in his stomach as he clicks the start a new meeting button and waits.

“Hey Clark, how’s Metropolis?” Comes the voice of Gotham's resident DILF. (Or at least that’s what Clark has seen him referred to as by the internet, he doesn’t know what it means, and when he asked Conner and Jon, they just laughed in his face.) 

“It’s great here Bruce, thank you for asking!” He’s long since learned not to ask how Gotham is, as Bruce always gives him the same answer paired with a deadpan face. “Let’s just get right into this interview then. How has quarantine been treating you?” 

“It hasn’t been bad so far.” As he speaks Clark's eye gets drawn to the chandelier in the background, well more accurately, the human that is currently hanging from the chandelier holding what seems to be a marker in his hand. One Dick Grayson hoists himself up onto it in the silent manner only a gymnast can and hides himself right into the shadows on top. His attention is drawn back to Bruce by said man clearing his throat pointedly with a raised eyebrow. 

“Sorry Bruce, could you repeat that? My, uh, internet must be a little spotty. I didn’t catch what you said.” Is the best excuse he can come up with on the spot. Bruce’s eyebrow raises a little bit more, but he seems to accept it.

“That’s all right Clark. I was just saying that it hasn’t been bad so far. Dick and Jason have moved back in for the time being, and the kids aren’t away at school during the day now, so life has been louder. An upside though, is that we have family dinner together every night.”

“I can imagine that would be quite chaotic, but family dinner is always a nice thing to have. How has everything affected life in general in Gotham?”

“Well, there are positives and negatives to that too of course. On one hand-” Bruce starts to answer, but gets cut off by a scream in the distance followed by the telltale sound of running down stairs.

“DICK!” an angry Tim Drake yells as he enters the room. “I swear to god Dick, this better wash off or I am going to kill you so hard.” 

When he walks into the area visible on camera, Clark sees what got him so angry as he gets an eyeful of art drawn right onto the young man’s face. Little doodles of stars and birds and what is possibly Alfred are drawn over every inch of his face. Bruce’s sigh of long-suffering is quickly followed by the sound of laughter coming from off camera. Tim turns his glare in the direction it came from, which only succeeds in increasing the laughter. 

“How in the world did you manage to sleep through someone drawing that much on your face Drake?” The youngest Wayne manages to still sound disinterested even though he definitely took part in the laughter.

“Seriously Tim. Maybe if you slept more than once in four days you wouldn’t crash hard enough to sleep through that mess on your face.” Jason speaks up after Damian.

“I am going to kill both of you immediately after I kill Dick.” Is Tim’s response. “So Dick, get down from that chandelier so I can murder you painfully.” At his words a groan is heard from the ceiling and Dick comes out of his hiding place, and drops down in a perfectly executed back-flip.

“Whoa guys did you see that?! I did a back-flip?!” 

“Dick you’re an acrobat.” Jason replies, still off screen, in the tone of someone who has heard this too many times.

“Yeah, I know, but it’s still cool right?”

His question is met with silence. Clark thought it was cool, but at this point he is too scared to say anything. 

“Dick.” The silence is broken by Tim. “Run.”

Dick’s smile seemingly melts off his face as he immediately books it running, followed closely by Tim. Jason and Damian each shouting encouragement for opposite people. While Bruce looks like he craves the sweet release of death. Silence settles over the room once again as Jason and Damian leave the room after the other two. Bruce sighs.

“Ok then, as I was saying, quarantine has had positives and negatives here. A lot of people are doing what they can to help others, while some new criminals have tried to take advantage of this situation.” The door to the room opens once again, though this time Alfred comes in.

“I am incredibly sorry to interrupt Master Bruce, but I feel that you may want to know that your youngest is currently chasing Master Jason with a sword, and your eldest is being dangled out of a window by Master Timothy.” He could have heard Bruce’s facepalm all the way in Metropolis even if he wasn't on a call with him.

“Thank you Alfred, I’ll go take care of it.” Bruce begins to stand. “I’m sorry Clark, we’ll have to continue this another time.”

“That’s all right Bruce, we can discuss when later. Have a nice day!” 

Bruce nods in reply, and right before the call ends Clark swears he hears him complaining under his breath.

“I swear quarantine has killed their brain cells. This is why Cass and Duke are my favorites.” 

The editors will have a field day with this one.

___________________________________________________________________________

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this, pls leave comments and kudos
> 
> you can talk to me @ jadedlana.tumblr.com and thats a serious offer


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